CHIVALRY: A NON-FEMINIST’S OPINION

Before I start this — rant, let me say for the umpteenth time that I’m not a feminist. I may never understand what y’all go on about, honestly. I’m not a big fan of this equality thing cause I know I don’t want to be equal to a man — I do want to be treated fairly regardless what my gender, sexuality, age, religious choices, race, tribe or skin might be. I’m not in any way demeaning the act of feminism cause to each its own right?

Ok this post is really about Chimamanda’s interview with Trevor Noah on Comedy Central’s The Daily Show Tonight about chivalry. You can check This link to watch the video. Chimamanda talks about opening doors for women and tending to women and children first if there’s an accident or war, as opposed to the people that actually need help i.e a man might need more help than the multitudes of women that they’re tending to instead.

I respect Chimamanda’s opinion and agree with her partly. I don’t think women should over think the act of chivalry. I mean, that’s just going to ruin romance for us abi? I have no problems with a man holding the door for me or pulling out a chair for me. I don’t think any man out there does it because he assumes the woman is weaker than him; it’s simply a sign of support, romance, and a sweet gesture to their partner.

If we start to overthink the things that run through a man’s head when he’s being “sweet” to us, we really are just going to ruin whatever we have going on with such person… But what of other acts of chivalry? Like standing up for a pregnant woman to sit. What pregnant man will I stand up for just to prove to him that chivalry is not gender based? I honestly believe that chivalry and feminism can go hand in hand without anyone thinking that it’s another form of patriarchy.

Why don’t we ever talk of other forms of chivalry? Like telling a woman to “be a man” or “grow a pair” or “grow some balls”? Chimamanda says “the people we should protect are people who need protecting”, but I think chivalry is more about showing support, than protecting. Chivalry is when he buys her flowers, when he gives her his jacket cause she’s cold (lol before someone says Nigerian guys don’t do that, they do), walking her to her door and making sure she actually gets in safe (even my taxi guy does this for me lol) and lots of other things.

I go to the airport with a box full of things that I probably will never use and turn deaf ears to my brother who insists I travel light. Whenever it’s time for those immigration guys to check through my box, ever so often, a sweet gentleman helps me lift my box up because my brother is either at the parking lot or unable to help me (cause he doesn’t have his passport with him). There was another time I had two big boxes, and I could handle them (I was used to handling them anyway) but this guy that had just one hand luggage wanted to give me his and asked to help with one of my boxes in return. That was kind. Of course I declined — what if he had a box full of drugs lol. But that was kind and there’s nothing wrong with showing kindness to another human being. In some cases, these things can only be done with the opposite sex — well, just because.

It’s really hard for me to picture a guy pulling out a chair for another guy, except maybe they’re gay. Chivalry could be what you do for people you care about regardless of their gender and/or sexuality (cause they mean different things these days); and it could also be what you do for someone you like like (who used the term like like in secondary school to refer to guys they’re crushing on? Me 🙋🏽‍♀️)

Well that’s it for my rant. What do you think about Chimamanda’s interview? I read some interesting comments online, and in a weird way, I got where most people were coming from. The beauty of it all was how diverse the opinions were. Drop yours, maybe you could educate me a little lol.

Thanks for stopping by.

Love,

Tobi.

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11 thoughts on “CHIVALRY: A NON-FEMINIST’S OPINION

  1. girleccentric says:

    I personally love chivalry. I love Chimamanda but my man better open the damn door for me when I want to get in. I even wrote a poem on chivalry…. But I’ll share it at a later time.
    I love being treated special… Every lady loves to be treated like she’s something special…cos let’s face it, we are special.
    ♥️

    Liked by 2 people

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